A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.

I drink only to make my friends seem interesting.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.

I’ve formed a new group called Alcoholics Unanimous. If you don’t feel like a drink, you ring another member and he comes over to persuade you.

A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.

I’ve stopped drinking, but only while I’m asleep.

Man does not suffer from too much to drink, but from the hangover.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.