The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.

A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won’t let himself get snotty about it.

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much.  Then again, don’t drink too little.

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.

They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.