Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends.

Boys, I may not know much, but I know the difference between chicken shit and chicken salad.

Friends are God’s apology for relatives.

A friend is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

I enjoy forgiving my enemies. It drives them up the wall.

I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best. They are merely the people who got there first.

Many can argue, few can converse.

Wise men argue causes, and fools decide them.

The stronger and more bitter the words, the weaker the cause.