I’m so holy that when I drink wine, it turns into water.

As Benjamin Franklin said: "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria." In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia coli, (E.coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we would be consuming one kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine and beer (or tequila, rum, whisky, or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health. Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.